Talking to people for clear judgement and unbiased opinions
#70 - snow days at home, Teams bore at home
Good evening,
Yes, it’s me again, scribbling out my thoughts with orchestral music emanating through my headphones, massaging my mind. It’s been a cold week, with it even snowing (in March - I know!) and me getting to school on Friday only for the school to decide to shut down later. I had a fun solitary journey through the snow, tugging my 2 instruments: it was beautiful.
Highlight of the week ⭐: capped off a four-day stay at home with my second trip to Symphony Hall, this time to watch some movie favourites. Star Wars, Harry Potter and Superman, it was high profile film music, very on brand with the Oscars happening tonight.
2 podcasts I listened to this week both mentioned the idea of trying to make decisions based on what a person looking on at your situation would suggest and do, free from your biases and tinted glasses. Here’s Derek Sivers on the podcast of the week (down below):
I answer every email because I find giving advice useful for myself. It’s always easier to give advice than to take it because you’re detached from the person [receiving it] and seeing it from a distance.
Whereas, in your head, you’ve got a tangled mess of concepts that it’s hard to figure out yourself. From a distance, you can easily say “It sounds like for your situation, you should do this”. You’re emotionally detached from the situation, you become your highest self and you can take your higher self’s advice when you’re in a pickle yourself.
This resonated with me because I’ve experienced the exact same thing recently -
I plan on pausing my piano lessons at the end of this term, reassessing my priorities and ensuring they are being prioritised before it’s too late. Before the Piano Concert a few weeks ago, a new friend Haydn and I were discussing my decision, becoming a form of therapy for me as I lamented about my quagmire. I got carried away there - talked about the confusion and emotional burden surrounding ‘quitting’ the piano.
After hearing my thoughts out loud, he proposed that I am not enjoying the piano as much because I don’t have a piano at home (I practise on a keyboard) and that having the weighted instrument makes playing a more pleasurable experience, one you look forward to, encouraging you to practise (as explored in this post below).
Similarly, a few weeks ago, I thought my post was dreadful. However, as I revealed the week after, it turned out to be well received, especially by one friend-reader Karim. Perhaps your mind isn’t always right and actually the way others see it can be either a unique perspective that you hadn’t imagined or a truer image of reality with your own tendencies, biases and feelings filtered out.
I also had this comment given back to me by a friend who talked to me about his dilemma with switching clubs on a walk at Christmas. In the end, he was surprised at how I was able to offer a suggestion that he thought worked very well. The reason - I saw the situation in black-and-white, objectively; yes I care about my friend and his feelings, which I factored into my comments, but I wasn’t the one glued to the decision and its physical and emotional consequences.
It’s fair to conclude that talking to others about our issues and getting their point of view (or ‘POV’ if I was a real teenager) can be valuable information, given their separation from the situation. Because they aren’t the centre of the story, stuck in it like being entrenched in a pool of sticky jelly1, they can often notice things that we might not ourselves. At the same time, we should avoid becoming a load for others, engaging in unproductive moaning and rumination (I'd like to certify my apologies to those who've been on the receiving end of this from me 😬). Whether it’s speaking out loud to those you know, those you don’t know (aka therapy) or even just spewing out your thought processes, pros and cons into a journal, expressing and ejecting the ideas floating in your mind can help you in making better, reasoned decisions.
Book of the week 📖
I’ve now finished Part 2 of 3 in How To Become A Straight-A Student by Cal Newport; looking forward to getting to the end and indulging in some much-needed fiction.
Podcast of the week🎙️
Deep Dive with Ali Abdaal: Derek Sivers on Life Advice, Writing and Entrepreneurship
A very interesting (ex-)musician who replies to all his emails, churns out books and loves meeting new people shares his thoughts on building connection with others, how he writes books and goal setting.
Article of the week 📰
Earth’s inner core may have stopped turning and could go into reverse, study suggests
Even the expert in the article said “nothing cataclysmic is happening”. But some may be interested in what goes on under our feet.
Quote of the week 💬
Experience is merely the name men give to their mistakes - Oscar Wilde
Talk to people about your problems - it’s ok to appear as if you don’t have your act together.
Adi
That’s one hell of an analogy, isn't it?