A message we need to hear about messages
#115 - shaving my moustache was a bad idea
Hi there,
It turns out I wasn’t imagining it - it’s been the wettest UK October to March on record. Apart from that, the holidays have gone by quickly, as time seems to speed up with the looming exams. I told my dad yesterday that it didn’t feel like a Saturday, because of how similar the past few days had felt.
As you can expect, a lot of revision which has been gruelling but worth it, along with IPL and a couple of visits to the town centre. Luckily I’ve got 1 more day of holiday to go (whilst my sister is in school tomorrow 🙈)
Highlight of the week: visiting my old neighbour Annie. I spent a sunny Friday afternoon fitting a jigsaw together with our shared love of classical music filling the air and ate cheese rolls watching the cricket, whilst catching up on life - a lovely day 🧩
For the first time in probably 7 months, my unread messages count on WhatsApp fell to single digits (not a flex by any stretch), and it’s frankly been odd to see a number I’ve now become accustomed to being in the 20s or 30s to fall as low as 3.
My inbox unread number keeps shooting up though, crossing a dreaded 1000 last month and at 1139 as of writing. Whether it’s newsletters I want to read again, opportunities to apply to or pass on to friends or just other messages that have slipped through the net, it feels like a pile that is ever growing.
In the post above, I reference my pre-2020 compulsion towards Inbox Zero; I remember how meticulous I was at making sure I never left an email unread. NowBut now it seems normal and it doesn’t bother me as much. The fact I’m older, wiser 😎 and have ‘bigger fish to fry’ is part of it, but I also think it’s worth noting our ability to be normalised if things change but remain that way for a while.
The first example that comes to mind is my History teacher saying that after a certain point, violence becomes expected, it doesn’t have the impact of intimidation and threatening people, when talking about Nazi Germany and practices over there
Hearing about friends drinking alcohol? Once was a complete shock, now it doesn’t surprise me.
I thought I couldn’t do both school captain and Cambridge, but I’m somehow still alive, albeit the job on both ends isn’t done yet.
The core message here: we must remind ourselves that humans are very good at adapting to new circumstances, situations and surroundings and tend to misestimate our ability for things to feel normal.
In his post You Can Handle Much More Than You Think,
talks about how big changes take time but that time gives you the space to adjust.I think some people shy away from going after big goals or life changes because they see people who are in those states and get scared. They see the family with four kids on vacation, and they think, “Oh my god, having four kids looks so hard,” but they don’t consider how that family had at least four and probably more like ten years to get used to the four kid life.
You’ve probably heard the “hedonic adaptation” version of this, where you quickly get used to having a fancy car or nice clothes, and they stop making you feel good anymore. But it also works for things that seem hard or stressful. You get used to worrying about your kids, or needing to run payroll, or getting a few emails each week from people who think you’re an idiot who can’t write. And you get used to it shockingly quickly.
Coming back to the example with WhatsApp, I chose this to write about today for 2 reasons:
When chatting to a friend yesterday, he acknowledged how he expects people not to reply to messages quickly, because they are uber-busy (funny how I forget to come to terms with that myself when I feel guilty about not having replied to someone after a while, which brings us onto…)
Replying to a Year 12 friend who asked for university advice thirty-nine days after he’d sent his first message.
Upon reflection, I found that I’d succumbed to some perfectionism and kept procrastinating on replying because a) I didn’t accurately understand the demands of his text (I leave messages unread to remind myself so only get to see the start when they come up as notifications) and b) I wanted to give him the best response I could (which I always try to do) and ended up giving one very delayed in the end.
However, when I messaged, he said “Thanks for replying, I had faith you would eventually! I appreciate you’re very busy but I know you are very organised and always reply eventually”. What do we take away?
Over time, people learn to expect busyness and delayed response times, so be at peace and ease if you’re taking a little long to reply and
You must adjust your expectations of yourself and others around these kinds of things, taking into account how your situation has changed.
It seems strange to write such a long post about WhatsApp messages 😂 but I’m sure you can think of something you once thought was unattainable or unimaginable and now you’re living that exact thing. Remember to account for that in the future when you’re making decisions - and try to message people promptly 🙃.
Podcast of the week🎙️
All in the Mind: The unspoken rules that govern our behaviour
It’s the first time I’ve listened to this podcast, really enjoyed it. Great production quality, nice story and enjoyable host.
Thing I’m grateful for this week 🙏
Our microwave! It has been very valuable this week as I heat my many meals as well as my mugs of milk.
Quote of the week 💬
Do things for people not because of who they are or what they do in return, but because of who you are - Harold S Kushner
I hope you have a wonderful week. And please, feel free to message me, about the blog or anything else!
Adi