Your most powerful tool in a conversation
#17 - being 40000 feet in the air
Hi there.
The start of 2022 has seen Omicron numbers ballooning up to heights we didn’t think were possible. It is our luck however that it is not as severe and damaging to the body.
Personally, Omicron has been very top of mind as I travelled 10,000 miles back from a 3-week holiday in India. I donned a very fashionable white FFP3 mask, the ones doctors wear, for the entire time and contrary to common opinion, I didn’t feel any headache or pain. Luckily the whole process felt quite safe, with various precautions being set up, by both the facilitators of the journey (airports, airlines) and those undertaking the journey.
On the trip itself, it was nice to see family after nearly 4 years, especially my grandparents. It was as if we were in a different world that had gotten rid of Covid (masks were a not so common sight) and it was utter bustle and noise. The contrastingly high and warm temperatures were most welcomed by us all, as we basked in the sun and enjoyed it while it lasts. Alas, we had to leave the paradisiacal weather and I felt an install chill as I got out of EK37 into the terminal.
We all have hundreds of interactions with other human beings and increasingly with technology every day. Be it in-person or through a screen, communication is foundational to our existence. Conversations form a large part of this, both face-to-face and on our screens.
Conversations in-person occur under the sunlight of emotion. Emotions can dictate the conversations, through and because of the words we use. Equally, we all have an objective, purpose, goal, aim in most of our conversations and we try to achieve this. Yet unfortunately, there isn’t a playbook on how to talk to one another. We effectively have never been taught what a good conversation looks life, despite us using them all day.
Conversations are powerful. They can change the world and people’s lives, among many things, for both good and bad. It is, hence, crucial that we know how to ‘do them’ well.
One of the core parts of a good, healthy conversation is listening. It is of course necessary to listen to the other person in a conversation. Turning a blind ear to someone doesn’t work for long.
However, for most of us, in our busy lives, we aren’t fully giving attention and purely hearing what they are saying. What ‘listening’ really means is hearing what they are saying and using our brain to understand the meaning of the words, both literal and emotional, within context. Yet we interject, interrupt, bring preconceived beliefs into action and even start thinking about what we are going to say next, rather than actively (note: not passive hearing) what the other person wants to say.
Here’s the crux of this lament: you need to listen to the other person/people in a conversation with intention, care and concentration. Like we have to in many cases in life, we must wait our turn to talk and whilst waiting, allow someone else to have their turn.
One of the great ways or hacks you can do this is by exploring a clever definition of listening. Imaging the word ‘listen’ was in fact a string of letters like an anagram. They need to be rearranged to make an actual English word. Have a go…
Have you figured it out? It’s SILENT. Yeah, it’s the act of not saying anything. Simply ‘shutting up’ and allowing the other members of a discussion/conversation will make it better because:
they feel as if they have a more significant/valued part in the discussion and they will appreciate the respect and attention you are giving them
they can give all the information they need and want to give, leaving them feeling as if they have done their best in the conversation and completed their job at the end
you can use this information to make a more thorough, well-thought-out, well-rounded response, which improves the quality of the conversation. It becomes a meaningful productive conversation rather than an emulation of 2 four-year-olds fighting over a candy bar.
People love talking. So we need to let them to. And what should we be doing instead? Listening. By being silent.
Book of the week 📖
Amidst all the packing and mini-trips we’ve been making, I haven’t read at all this week. I do however have a couple of books waiting in the wings.
Podcast of the week🎙️
Tons of value in the gold mine of a podcast.
Article of the week📰
The best productivity apps in 2022 - Zapier
Ignore the slight clickbait. This one is for you if you want to organise your life a bit more, to transform into a more efficient human being...so you have more time for listening 😉
Quote of the week💬
“One of the most sincere forms of respect is actually listening to what another has to say.” - Bryant H. McGill
Thanks for reading this week’s blog. I hope to hear from you below: have you found yourself doing any of those malpractices in a conversation from above?
Next time, we’ll have a look at another game-changing tool, this one with your family.
Adi
Good.