The magic of being kind
#50 - laying down the path for Year 11s
Hi there,
As we cascade into October, autumn leaves and chilly winds, the school work has been turning up a notch. Tests are starting to find my desk, difficult topics are entering the chat and the number of hours needed at home is scrolling upwards.
It’s been a hectic week with several late nights, so it was good to get some sleep over the past couple of days. We also went to the cinema, a rare occasion, to watch a much-awaited adaptation of an ancient Indian tale, featuring a congregation of several South Indian superstars.
Highlight of the week: speaking at the Year 11 Welcome Evening on Thursday night. I felt a warm mixture of pride at being one of the selected four there, generosity in lending my time & advice to those one step behind me and satisfaction at producing a fantastic booklet designed to help them which parents thought sounded fabulous. My 11 pm edits on Word and countless taps of the ‘Enter’ button paid off.
Our school assemblies have a theme each week. This week it was about Equality, Diversity and Inclusion. The presenting teacher emphasised the importance to make everyone feel included and being kind to one another.
It’s one of my unwritten, unofficial rules of life: treat others how you would like to be treated. This is often with kindness. There are so many reasons why we should strive to be kind(er):
It is easy to do and you get unlimited chances - kindness is a very broad feeling, encompassing generosity, selflessness, concern and even gratitude. This means that we receive it in so many different forms and times during the day and subsequently, we have the opportunity to embody it in a huge number of ways.
It is almost always a win-win situation: you help another person(s), making their life better, and you instantly feel better. Science shows that when you act in a kind manner, the lovely hormones of serotonin (satisfaction and wellbeing), dopamine (pleasure and reward) and oxytocin (love and bonding) are activated.
It can be both big and small - we are used to embarking on mammoth projects that take years to accomplish. Kindness however can be both tiny wins, like saying ‘Thank you’ to the coffee barista or holding a door open, and large actions such as giving a friend a lift or spending a couple of hours with a friend who’s upset.
This week I was kind to a young mother with a pushchair, by giving up my seat for her on the bus. Later in the week, I was given a seat by someone about to get off at the next stop. I said ‘Thank you’ and she gave me a wholesome heartwarming smile which made me feel wonderful.
A few important things to think about:
Remember to be kind to yourself - a fitting example I heard once goes like this. Imagine you hiking up a mountain with your friend, who accidentally falls over and cuts his knee because they weren’t paying attention. You’d say something like, “Are you hurt? Are you alright?” with a tone of worry and concern. Flip the situation onto yourself, and you’d admonish yourself with frustration, anger, and disappointment at being so clumsy, inattentive and careless. It’s important to be conscious about how you talk to yourself.
Don’t expect it to be acknowledged. This was the key message in a Headspace morning meditation I did this week. The more crucial part is the intention you set out with - the happiness of the individual. You’ve done your part; whether it was appreciated doesn’t matter. Feel good that you were caring enough to help another human being. (Adi, that’s deep…)
Acknowledge when you receive it. On the other hand, clearly, we like our efforts being recognised. So when someone behaves in a kind manner towards you, show that you cherish and appreciate it. The last two months, I’ve been exercising a phrase I picked up from the late Queen in her comedy sketch in June. She said “That’s very kind” to Paddington Bear lauding her brilliance. Where I’ve used it is when I’m being praised, those moments where you feel like blushing: I’ve just replied with a smile, “That’s very kind”. As I write this, me thinking about just how often I’ve said that recently (too many to count) makes me feel grateful and happy about life, as it shows just how much others appreciate me.
World-famous talk show host Ellen DeGeneres is renowned for saying ‘Be kind to one another’. One of the most famous t-shirt slogans is “In a world where you can be anything, be kind”.
Kindness is a beautiful thing that is beneficial to both the provider and receiver. Let’s make more and share more of it.
PS I also wanted to mention a journal prompt of mine in my ‘Night entry’ template (which I seldom use). It is ‘Who did I uplift today?’ The days in which I can’t think of someone are times when I realise that I have been too self-obsessed, and need to look around a bit more.
Book of the week 📖
Honestly, I have been very disorganised and school work has swept me off my feet. So I’ve not made any progress on my book (How to Win Friends and Influence People). That said, you may find this book I discovered this week, The Rules of People: a personal code for getting the best from everyone, by Richard Templar, interesting (thanks to reader Alex for the mention!)
Podcast of the week🎙️
The Daily Stoic: Don’t You See How Crazy This Is?
Containing an excerpt from the incredible author Ryan Holiday’s latest book Discipline is Destiny, it highlights the immense self-control and legendary nature of the late great Queen Elizabeth II.
Article of the week 📰
The Reasons Underlying the Pound’s Crash in September
I’ll be cheeky and recommend an article I wrote about how and why the British pound plunged to all-time lows. There are plenty of specialist terms so don’t worry, I won’t be upset if you don’t get through to the other end 😉.
Quote of the week 💬
“Accept responsibility for your life. Know that it is you who will get you where you want to go, no one else.” Les Brown
Let’s both be kinder this week, to yourself AND others
Adi