Putting yourself in another person's mind
#21 - the queen's career ticks past 70.
Hi there.
Another varied week encompassed 2 takeaways, of Pizza Hut and Pepe’s Piri Chicken, in 3 days, unheard of in my home. I performed in our school’s Junior Soloists Concert, for our school ‘big band’, featuring a whole array of musical equipment from the dhol to the trombone. I also had a good game that aided my school team, the 4s, seal our first win of 2022 with a nervy 2-1 win over King Edward’s School, Birmingham.
I’ve also been getting a grip of my inbox which has been running wild, whilst keeping myself well-updated with the masses of news in the UK.
Highlight of the week: getting 56/60 on my German mock speaking. I thought it might go awry but seems like I managed to blurt out something half-plausible amongst a sea of ‘umms’, ‘aahs’ and hesitations. One of the questions I was asked was about my opinion of exam stress. I said ‘I always feel stressed before my German-speaking exams’ 😄
Also, here’s a conversation from our family WhatsApp group
After the aforementioned concert, I messaged my dad, asking him to pick me up, and then proceeded to help out with the clearing up. I helped put away the music stands, rolled up some leads and put the chairs away. It was around 8:50 pm and most of the audience and students had gone.
Since my parents still hadn’t seen the message, I gathered all my belongings, put them in a corner and then came back into the hall to notice just how much putting away still had to be done: the table covers folded, the used cups thrown away, the used plates put aside, the remaining food removed from the tables and organised to be kept in the fridge, the flower vases returned to the office they came from. And it was all down to 3 members of staff. They were meant to have some helpers but “due to miscommunication” they failed to turn up.
I immediately stayed for another 15 minutes, munching down the spicy chicken pakoras whilst helping put the vases away, folding up the table covers, removing all the used cutlery and putting them on one plate, summoning the inner waiter in me. I also did some clever stuff like transferring all the remaining food onto 1 platter tray, to maximise the limited space on the long table this stuff was all on.
As I heard a vibration in my blazer pocket, signifying my dad had entered the building, I had to reluctantly stop, throw on my coat and go home. But on the drive home, I thought to myself, “Those three staff didn't have to do that (they were the Finance & Business Support Officer, Executive Assistant and Finance and Operations Director). And yet, the situation conspired so that they had to. It means that they now go home late and yet, still have to wake up to get to school on time next day. At least I helped them…”. I was the last kid out, as I was in the school summer concert.
Swiftly moving on from my moment of self-indulging ego-pleasing, the point this nice little story is trying to highlight is empathy. A virtue my dad has inculcated within me, with care and force, I find that I am generally more helping and understanding than most of my peers. And it is such a useful trait to have.
The saying often goes ‘putting yourself in other person’s shoes’. But I say that we go even further by diving into their minds? What might they be feeling? What are their worries? What are the consequences from their perspective? What might have happened to them earlier in the day that led to them behaving like this to us?
This applies pretty much everywhere: when your boss shouts at you, out of character. When someone cuts past you, annoyingly, on the road. When a friend isn’t quite being their usual self. Why your partner refuses to spend their time watching a film with you. Being empathetic allows us to see life and the said event from their angle, from their perspective. That means that we can form a logical explanation for their behaviour and actions. We can think about how we’d react in their ‘shoes’.
Whilst it doesn’t make it right or just (fair), it does explain it, which can have the effect of calming us or making us feel sympathy for them. It can help us to get to a point of ‘agree to disagree’ with someone who shares differing beliefs with you: I don’t agree with you that we should order Chinese for the 5th time this week but I understand that you may be bored of it. Critically, if we can be aware and conscious enough in the heat of an argument or confrontation, a moment of tension of any kind, and try to figure out why someone is behaving the way they are, it will help A LOT.
Similarly, empathy need not be induced reactively but can be proactive. We can foresee what might happen to someone if you do something and change accordingly like I did on Wednesday. I could have easily read another article on why Boris should resign, but no, I did something else, that was the smarter thing to do. And this could extend to yourself
Empathy is about understanding ‘where someone is coming from’ and using this knowledge to adapt our behaviour to make an experience better for everyone involved. It’s about going beyond the surface level obvious reasons for their actions and getting down to the root of someone’s behaviour while also considering others’ situations and what you can do to impact their life and help their situation.
Book of the week 📖
I’ve got to say, I’ve been appalling with books this year. A whole month is gone and I haven’t finished one. But…as I write that, I see my headline from last time
so I’ll keep going. I’ve gotten up to WW2 in Tomorrow Will Be A Good Day
Podcast of the week🎙️
Feel Better, Live More: #233 BITESIZE How to Silence Your Inner Critic for a Happier, Healthier Life
Expands and organises our topic from last time.
Article of the week📰
What was the Queen doing when you were born and in every year of her life and reign?
A fun one, gives you a bit of world history…and makes the queen seem really old.
Quote of the week💬
“Money is to life what gas (petrol) is to a road trip” gasp (Heard this on a podcast and I went ‘Woah’
Try to be more empathetic this week, and let me know what difference it makes.
Adi