Help - bravely ask for and generously give 👐

#65 - turns out strangers don't mind helping

Hi there,

Seems like it’s been a long arduous week, got an even busier one to come. Started with another day full of ‘Citizenship’ with essential CPR life-saving lessons and ended with a haircut-astrophe that has left the back of my head shivering in the chilly negative temperatures we’ve been managing cursing this week.

Highlight of the week ⭐: a productive Saturday. Woke up at 7 (good for weekend me), got some exercise in, had a tasty breakfast of cereal and got a substantial four hours of work done in the day. #proudofmyself

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Reflecting on the week that’s gone, it seems like there’s been a lot of advising and helping younger year groups. Maybe it’s down to everyone starting to shift their gaze to the next horizon, across the sea of 2023. From this, I’ve got 2 lessons to share.

You don’t ask, you don’t get.

I was at an HSBC Insight Event last year when one of their high-flying degree apprentices was discussing how his career has been on fast-track simply because he was willing to speak to the top brass in the company. He says that people imagine there is an imaginary wall between regular employees and the company leaders but, really, they’re also just human beings.

The Year 11s who have asked me questions about how much they should be revising now and whether to pick 4 A-Levels or not this week reminded me of this. I have little inclination whatsoever to spontaneously advise them based on my experience of going down the path they already have. But, if they ask, I’ll happily answer their questions.

It’s a perhaps subtle distinction between expecting things will be handed to you on a plate vs disrupting the 'going with the flow’ to actively approach others and get what you need from them. Making a link to Physics, you can either let the car move at a constant velocity and eventually get to the destination or act on it “with an external force” to propel it forward.

For example, I’ve always wanted to conduct an orchestra. Ever since I saw a student, 3 years older than me, do it at school, it’s been a dream of mine. These days, even if I’ve got 2 bars rest when I’m practising, I’m sometimes waving my hands to the soundtrack (I know, I’m weird and I’m fine with it).

Anyways, back to the script. I asked our director of music at school whether I could conduct one of the Junior Orchestra pieces. He said that he’d find a 3rd easier piece that I could do with them. He didn’t have to but he did because I asked. Conversely, there’s no way he would’ve inquired “Adi, do you want to conduct a piece?” on his own, nor does he need to.

Going back to our degree apprentice, he also added “What’s the worst that could happen? They say no. That’s fine, no harm done.” Huh, that’s one way of putting it. Thinking about it that way, there is no net loss in asking for help and advice, whereas the upside could be massive. I can recall at least 3 instances this week where I’ve asked others at school for help with something, not expecting a response, and getting one each time.

And people are happy to share their knowledge, more than you’d think. This is what I’ve found when messaging people on LinkedIn. They see that you are ambitious, proactive and willing to put a shift in, and will go out of their way to see how they can help you.

To round off, “push yourself, because no one else is going to do it for you”. The more risks you take and questions you ask, the more answers you’ll get.

Be the person past you needed

When I delivered my launch presentation for our ‘Student Secrets to GCSE Success’ guide, a 30-page booklet my friends and I designed to help the current Year 11s, I said “feel free to stop me around school; I’m more than happy and in fact enjoy answering your questions, because I wish I had a person to ask when I was in your position a year ago.”

What I meant when I said this: I wish there was someone in the year above me asking me how I was doing, whether I had any doubts or trouble figuring things out. I may not have always needed one but it was the feeling that there was someone I could speak to and bounce ideas off. I didn’t; so in the hope to ‘pay it forward’, I spearheaded the creation of the booklet and much to my joy, have heard how it has helped many of the Year 11s. Testimonials, only they are first-hand live personal interactions - extremely rewarding.

The person who needs the most help

Similarly, this week in Funky Bishops (our school Jazz Band), there was an instance when I pointed out to the fellow alto sax 2 sat next to me that we both had a tendency to get louder in a particular phrase of music. I was afraid he’d think “Who’s he to lecture me around? I know what I’m doing”, despite my clear intention of being helpful.

No, my expectations were proved wrong. He obliged (after all, he’s 4 years younger than me), I gave him a smile with a nod and overall, we sounded better.

The point is of course to be helpful to people but specifically, to help mark the path for future generations to walk on. The revered Mahatma Gandhi said, “Be the change you want to see in the world”. Today, the great Aditya Muthukumar is saying “Be the person you wanted to see in the world”.

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Book of the week 📖

I’ve started my second Peter Lynch book One Up On Wall Street. Not that I’m going to be trading Tesla or stocking up on Shell (currently sky high with soaring fuel prices) but Dad thought it would be an enjoyable read.

Podcast of the week🎙️

Best New Ideas In Money: Do something. Buy nothing.

Had this on when I was doing my puzzle over the Christmas break; there’s an emerging idea in waste reduction - buy nothing.

Article of the week 📰

Positive self-talk: 20 negative words you can reframe into empowering ones

I’m all for using language to our advantage, consciously. I particularly loved Overwhelmed ➜ In demand.

Quote of the week 💬

Things turn out best for the people who make the best of the way things turn out. - John Wooden

Remember: the pain of regret is greater than the pain of failure. Be brave, take charge and make the most of your network, both human and information.

Adi